I want to shave all my hair off! I can't take it anymore! I NEED A MIRICLE?

This is going to sound gross, but Mayonaise really guarentee's my hair's softness..apply it all over you hair then leave it for 10-15 minutes (no longer, and you can put a shower cap over it if you want), then Shampoo and Condition. I like using Sunsilk's Straighten-Up Shampoo (purple bottle)...it smooths out kinks, frizz, and poof, I really like it. Then I use either: Dove, Brilliant Brunette, or Pantene Expressions conditioner. Another thing that I have tried but didn't get as good results is heating olive oil for 20 seconds in the microwave and maging into hair then leaving for 30 minutes, then wash. (like a hot oil treatment at home). To avoid damage while blow drying and straightening, I use John Frieda's Anti-Frizz Thermal Protection Serum when my hair is damp along with L'oreal's Hot!Straight straightening creme, that also has thermal protection. Hope this helped and good luck!!!!